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Stefanie
26 September 2006 @ 08:57 pm
So much shit has happened. Realized I don't like Sam, we are just too good of friends. Dated a tranny boy-Jesse. Broke up because I just don't belong with any type of boy...and more shit actually but whatever. I got my lisence! I started school. Maxine came to Vassar and stayed with me for a week before she went to school. Hung out with Maxine a lot. Partyed way too hard lol. Met some fucking awesome people. Finally admitted my genderfuckness agian. (ps gender neutral pronouns now!) Started dateing Maxine :) and now I"m here. I'm still working. I havn't skipped school yet and I've been doing all of my work and homework. I havn't really been late to class except for 3rd (my 1st period of the day) So that kinda blows. Things have just been pretty peachy...

Stef Fucking Diaz
 
 
Current Mood: content
 
 
Stefanie
04 July 2006 @ 11:45 am
So I havn't updated my life in a while. New girl involved, Eli came to my house with Aidan for pride and just a good time!!! It was fucking awesome! We had good times...Mike and David got back together....gr they piss me off at times but I still love them. Jordan started his shit agian so I need to actually cut him off this time. I was suppose to go to a slayer concert with Mike and Jordan, that didn't happen. I've been working. I take my road test soon,and that means I can go places (Sams house,work) without feeling like an annoying prick. Pride was fucking awesome!!! Jasmine moved to the Bronx, but we still talk all the time and I've seen her like 6 times since shes moved..Um I really like Sam.

End of update?

Stef Diaz
 
 
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Music: Boom Boom-Venga Boys
 
 
Stefanie
31 May 2006 @ 02:46 pm
ok so when I was at work someone was watching me. And not comeone that was working there. It was an older man in suit with a hat. I thinkk its my grandpa.
 
 
Current Mood: indifferent
 
 
Stefanie
29 May 2006 @ 08:11 pm
I need to help Jessie pick out a new middle name... <3
 
 
Current Mood: okay
 
 
Stefanie
19 May 2006 @ 02:44 pm
Have you ever gotten rally mad just by seeing something and then realize...wow you're really done with that shit. But then agian. ..it still bothers you because you cared about that thing, but at the same time you hate it or are just so done with it that you don't really care..

I donno I'm so...indecisive about everything in my freaking life.

I hate people.

I want school to be done with already!

I want to bake something.

I need a hug.
 
 
Current Mood: blank
 
 
Stefanie
16 May 2006 @ 08:53 pm
Tonight is the greatest night ever! I did all my homework while watching The station agent!Such a good fucking movie! and now I'm watching Finding Nemo and I'm talking to Vanessa and before I was talking to my sister and she is coming home tomorrow! And I got into my pjs at like 8:30...that is so early for me. And that means I'm going to bed early tonight, and its nice outside and omg I'm just having a great night. I didn't have to go to work because I was reading the wrong person the other day when I checked it...I'm so freaking excited! I love life right now! on one can bring me down! lol haha :)
 
 
Current Mood: ecstatic
Current Music: Just keep swimming!
 
 
Stefanie
14 May 2006 @ 10:22 am
PS  
oh yeah yesterday I failed to mention had an awesome time at prom in my tux! and I got to hang out with Lynly Edges yesterday! I miss her. She is awesome. <3
 
 
Current Mood: energetic
 
 
Stefanie
13 May 2006 @ 08:16 pm
:)  
So today I went to the city to the student advisory council for lunch and we all walked around and shopped and had good times...I really want to lock my hair. After seeing Aidan(I'm pretty sure I spelled her name wrong) I really want it done. Oh and I think she is so cute. I kinda just want to cuddle with her... lol. Anyways. I'm kinda sad that today is the last time I'll see Cathy until like summerstart, and then after that I really don't know when I'll see her again. Unless of course we make plans to hang out. Then well that'd be really cool. I got to see Jessie and Antonio and Zach today too. I <3 Antonio just as a statement. He is freaking awesome. Jessie has my blazer. I want it back. I miss it. Hers didn't Match what she was wearing so I got her mine and she gave me hers. She has the shortest freaking arms ever! I miss my blazer!!!!!! Oh well I'll get it back Memorial day weekend. I will hopefully remember hers.

So onto what else happened today...My dad came with me to the city, and well he decided that her was going to come out to me as we were walking. It was the weirdest freaking thing in my life! My dad is gay! A full fledged homosexual. Its so weird. Who the fuck am I going to check out girls with now...This makes me very mad! Argh!!! wtf. I hate it...Oh well I still love my dad even if he is fucking nuts.


I <3 good times...like today on the escalator
 
 
Current Mood: crushed
 
 
Stefanie
08 May 2006 @ 09:35 pm
so  
This weekend was pretty awesome. I realized some things that are ok..but yeah...ugh...Carzy. Girls kill me. ugh I hate them. There is more that I'm thinking but I'm on the phone and its hard to think and type at the same time.
 
 
Current Mood: jealous
 
 
Stefanie
26 April 2006 @ 09:22 pm
http://www.pinknews.co.uk/news/view.php?id=1282

I was totally quoted in the same article as Jessie! <3
 
 
Stefanie
25 April 2006 @ 10:45 pm
Tomorrow is the Day of Silence... I'm nervous.

So today I coughed and a peice of my tonsil came off. It was nasty. It was full of pus and blood and it smelled. I ever so slightly would love to rips my tonsils out.

Sarah is coming home on Friday!!!!!! I can't wait. I miss my sister.

You know who I also miss.......

My back hurts... I'm just typeing whatever comes out of my little head. ugh I wish my body didn't hate me as much as it does.

Ok I'm done. Brain go off! now! haha! boom.


BYE
 
 
Current Mood: bouncy
 
 
Stefanie
19 April 2006 @ 09:40 pm
:(  
ok quick update.

Jordan escaped rehab. He's been staying with Mike and me.
My car lit on fire.
People got really drunk at my house.
There was like a weeklong sleepover.
****** came to my house.
Got really lost going to JFK and back.
Went back to school from break.
Went to Albany to see Humberto and skipped out on the check at TGIFridays
My cousin died this afternoon.
 
 
Current Mood: blah
Current Music: The sun is a mass of incandesent gas
 
 
Stefanie
11 April 2006 @ 07:41 am
wtf.  
Ok so on Friday, Jordan escaped rehab. He jumped out of a window at like 3am and walked from Hyde Park to Fishkill...Now driving thats 45 mins to and hour. Walking...heh. He's been staying with Mike and I because his mom is in FL. and his dad just can't watch him all the time. So his dad is giving us money to buy him food and such. He got bored and turned my labtop into a hacker computer.. .He atleast fixed the fan and cleaned it out.

This week is spring break.I want to go and do stuff. I want to see my sister...I want to see a lot of people but I have no way of going all over the country. Fucking a man. I'm so tired.

There was going to be more to this but now I forgot. Oh well...I'm kinda brain dead. I should go back to sleep.
 
 
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Is this love-Bob Marley
 
 
Stefanie
04 April 2006 @ 10:27 pm
...  
Fuck
 
 
Current Mood: blank
 
 
Stefanie
03 April 2006 @ 06:25 am
:/  
I can wait...I want to wait. Just not forever.













<3
 
 
Current Mood: sick
Current Music: Losing my religion-R.E.M.
 
 
Stefanie
01 April 2006 @ 11:56 pm
Thats what I feel like... I'm so fucking confused about almost everything and everything has been horrible...but in a sense good. I think I'm fucking crazy...and cold. Very cold. I don't want to go to work tomorrow. I need to sleep.
 
 
Current Mood: contemplative
 
 
Stefanie
23 March 2006 @ 02:19 pm
Thats when i was born mother fuckers!! hell yeah today is my birthday! I hope I get that strap-on :)
 
 
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Stone Sour-Bother
 
 
Stefanie
21 March 2006 @ 08:56 pm
Bother-
Wish I was too dead to cry
My self-affliction fades
Stones to throw at my creator
Masochists to which I cater
You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

Wish I was too dead to care
If indeed I cared at all
Never had a voice to protest
So you fed me shit to digest
I wish I had a reason;
my flaws are open season
For this, I gave up trying
One good turn deserves my dying

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

[Solo: Corey]

Wish I'd died instead of lived
A zombie hides my face
Shell forgotten
with its memories
Diaries left
with cryptic entries

And you don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on,
I won't let go 'til it bleeds

You don't need to bother;
I don't need to be
I'll keep slipping farther
But once I hold on:
I'll never live down my deceit

Omega-What a skeletal wreck of a man this is
Translucent flesh and feeble bones
The kind of temple where the whores and villians try to tempt the holistic tones
Running rampant with free thought to free form the free and clear
And the matters at hand are shelled out like lint at a laundromat to sift and focus on the bigger, better, NOW
We all have a little sin that needs venting, virtues for the rending and laws and systems and stems ripped from the branches of office do you know what your post entails?
Do you serve a purpose or purposely serve?
Wind down inside your adivistic allure, the value of a summer spent and a winter earned
For the rest of us there is always sunday
The day of the week that reeks of rest but all we do is catch our breath so we can wade naked into the bloody pool and place our hand on the big black book
To watch the knives zigzag between our aching fingers
A vacation is a countdown
T minus your life and counting
Time to drag your tongue across the sugar cube and hope you get a taste
WHAT THE FUCK IS ALL THIS FOR? (*background*WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?) SHUT UP!
I could go on and on but let's move on shall we?
Say, you're me and I'm you and they all watch the things we do and like a smack of spite they threw me down the stairs haven't felt like this in years the great magnet of malicious magnanimous refuse
Let me go and plunge me into the dead spot again
That's where you go when theres no one else around it's just you and there was never anyone to begin with now was there?
Sanctimonious pretentious dastardly bastards with their thumb on the pulse and a finger on the trigger
CLASSIFIED MY ASS THAT'S A FUCKING SECRET AND YOU KNOW IT!
Government is another way to say better, than, you!
It's like ice but no pick a murder charge that won't stick its like a whole other world where you can smell the food
But you can't touch the silverware
*laughs* What luck!
Facism you can vote for
*snorts* Isn't that sweet
And were all gonna die someday 'cause that's the american way and I've drunk too much and said too little when you're gaffer taped in the middle say a prayer save face get yourself together and (*sung in the background* SEE WHAT'S HAPPENING!) SHUT UP! (*background* FUCK YOU!) FUCK YOU!
I'm sorry I could go on and on but its time to move on so
Remember, your a wreck an accident
Forget the freak your just nature
Keep the gun oiled and the temple clean
Shit, snort and blaspheme let the heads cool and the engine run because in the end everything we do, is just everything we've done.
 
 
Current Mood: contemplative
 
 
Stefanie
19 March 2006 @ 08:04 pm
So today was the last day of wpw. I had a good time. It was a small group of 12 of us so it was so nice. Today for our last activity, we got white sheets of paper and made a hand print on them and then in silence we passed them around and wrote good things about eachother. I hung it on my wall because it made me feel that good knowing that people think highly of me and think I'm such a good person. It made me feel awesome. I got a lot closer to Cathy this weekend. Like sisterly close and I think thats awesome. She is an amazing person that has a good head on her shoulders and is definately going somewhere in life. I just hope that we keep in touch with eachother. I also met some other awesome people...vance! He is so freaking funny! Kathleen is pretty nice and Nicole is freaking funny as hell,and very jet lagged lol. I got really close to everyone there that I wasn't already close with. I met new staff. I got closer with Katie G. I fucking love her! I think her and Vanessa are my favorite staff aside from Eric Waters. They all rock! I met benny for the 1st time. He is very nice.

So onto the weird part of this weekend. Lili told me she missed me and she has a girlfriend. Yes granted I miss her at times, and I care for her and I love her, I don't think I'd be able to bring myself to go back out with her untill she knows what the hell she wants and she is emotionally stable with anything and everything. I can't let myself get hurt because she doens't know what she wants. In the mean time I need to move on with my love life because if I feel like she is the one I want to be with, and she feels the same, I want to really be sure. I want to date other people and be sure of who I want to be with because I know in life there will always be more than one person ment for you. We just need to find them.

So...yeah I got sooooo many glsen things from the glsen national office supply closet... :) be jealous!
 
 
Current Mood: cold
 
 
Stefanie
13 March 2006 @ 09:05 pm
So on Saturday...the photographer was nice. It wasn't what any of us expected. He kinda chose the location of where we went and that kinda pissed me off. Then for awhile he was taking pictures of just 3 people and what not. He didn't want to take pics with my straight friends and that really pissed me off. During the civil rights movement blacks needed whites. Well gays need straights...same deal people! argh! So we pulled up into the M&T headquarters parking lot and there was snow there. The Photographers went to go eat and we had a snowball fight. When they finished he got a good two hours of us having a snowball fight and singing and dancing and all that fun stuff. I got a tan. That was the best part of the day. Our next location was somewhere in the woods or some shit. It was fucking ridiculous! I've never seen someone make another person so sterotypically gay in my life. Now the better part was after Mike finished his little shoot, he took off his shirt and then the guy wanted Mike to do a topless photo. I heard that and flipped the fuck out on the photographer. he got the idea pretty quickly. We all went back to my house for more photos. We did a family photo and then some pics of me with my friend Danielle in my room. I didn't like those. So that was pretty much it for that day.

Onto girls now...I guess I kinda developed something for my friend Jasmine but I know she doesn't like me like that. I asked her and well yeah...its true...She doesn't go for dykes...That kinda upset me but its ok.

Yeah i'm sick again...It sucks not having a voice.
 
 
Current Mood: tired
Current Music: Rain